Skyrim seems like a good game. It takes place in fantasy Scandinavia and I am a naked barbarian who runs around murdering things with a giant ice axe. Click on picture to make big.
I started out wearing armor ripped from the bodies of my enemies, but something was amiss. The air was fresh, invigorating, the flowers of spring were here. I came to a rushing river and tore my clothes off, leaping into the water. As I swam down cataracts, I saw something flitting by. Salmon! I caught them with my hands.
Coming up for air, I watched salmon leap up waterfalls. It was a wonderful touch.
It felt really good to be able to do something like that, like Skyrim was taking me on a nice date, showing me a good time. A minute of catching salmon, naked, in a cold river, was infinitely more tender than a hundred hours spent on any of the shit-rpgs like Fable, Dragon Age, and the rest of the dreck shoveled out year after year.
As soon as I escaped the tutorial, I met this furry fellow. Wolves are programmed to attack you, which made his behavior all the more interesting. He was in a constant state of charging, always point blank in my face, but never actually harming me. This glitch came off as playful exuberance. He followed me around until we came to a camp. I went forward with a smile on my face to hear the latest chatter or maybe barter a bit, but they were bandits who fucking KILLED MY WOLF FRIEND. So I killed them and took his pelt in memoriam.
not sure if this is the literal skyrim, i guess i’ll have to keep looking to make sure!
This game has fucking nice rivers and lakes. i’m super hot and powerful and crush things, my war paint is amazing, i have no pupils, my axe is ready for a BLOOD SANDWICH, let’s DO THIS
nooooooooooooo : ((((
the events that lead up to this tragic journey to valhalla are shown in more detail here: